awake

Wee morning hours and baby p is wide awake. Perhaps it is time to just get up and have breakfast…

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Naps

I haven’t felt myself for a little while, and with an active almost 4-year-old, that means I am not spending as much quality time with him as normal. And yet, today, we found a great way to spend the afternoon together: nap on the couch while watching a movie. It’s been a long while since we’ve done that together, and I must say, it was a special time.

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Quiet birthdays

Edward’s birthday has been peaceful. A sweet card from a lady from church, yummy cookies from my brother in law and his wife, pretty flowers from a college friend. We had some normal Saturday things to do – grocery store, library, swim lessons – but we did visit the cemetery earlier to tell Edward happy birthday. My mother in law had put some really pretty flowers there recently, so that was nice to see.

Other than that, it’s been pretty quiet, which I suppose makes sense: to me, the big celebration is the birthday party in heaven today, where I bet Edward is fishing with his new cousin Grace and his grandfathers, and the cake is quite literally out of this world. (Somehow, I think the fishing in heaven happens without any type of death, even the fish. Just another miracle I imagine is there.)

My sweet Edward, I love you, I’m so glad you were and still are a part of my life, and I know in my heart, I will see you again one day. What a glorious celebration that will be! Until then, my sweet angel, may you find comfort in the arms of the Lord and the company of all in heaven, as I find in the arms of the Lord and the company of all here on earth. Happy, happy birthday!

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My Chains are Gone

Last night, I was listening to some of the music our praise band plays when “Amazing Grace/My Chains are Gone” came on. I was going to turn it because I wanted upbeat happy music, not a song about death. But for some reason, I kept listening to it. Before I knew it, I was crying – not because it was sad, but because it FINALLY made sense to me. The song is not about death at all. It’s quite the opposite – it’s all about life.

A few months back, I posted a small dissertation on my understanding of Christ in light of Edward here. And last night, just hearing the words “My chains are gone, I’ve been set free!” I realized I had missed one small thing in that post: like Edward, I too will have everlasting life.

I’ve said it before, but God sure has an amazing way to turn something really sad into something really happy. Love!

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music

so excited to be importing a slew of Christian music into my iTunes today. I am sure to have a spiritual week!

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Verses, 1

“He will have no fear of bad news, he is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” – Psalm 112:7

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Swimsuit Season

In 2010, I started jogging, in part, to deal with the anxiety and worry over my mom’s cancer & my dad’s heart and gall bladder issues. I looked the best I had looked in years – felt the best I had felt in years – and ultimately was the happiest clam you could find.

After Edward’s birth last June, I thought I would just pick it right back up. When I returned to work, I tried…but I couldn’t go very far. I’d start comparing myself to where I had been, start thinking about why I wasn’t there anymore, and give up. Besides, all that “good exercise” didn’t put me in shape to keep my son, and it didn’t save his life. And worse, if someone talked to me about the exercises I should be doing, my anger just flared, and I resolved more and more not to try it again.

A few weeks ago (upon trying on a swimsuit of course!) I decided it was time to try again. Bronchitis set in almost immediately after, so I didn’t get very far those first few weeks. But tonight, I made it 2 miles. Much of it was slow – almost a walking pace at one time – but I kept jogging just to prove to myself I could do it. And I did. And though I am sore, my mind feels great, and my emotions feel great.

I despise swimsuits, but I guess they can do some good.

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